AFTER ALL THE PHYSICAL PAIN…BERATING AND BELITTLING…ALL THE VERBAL ABUSE…SHEDDING RIVERS OF TEARS…PRAYING TO GOD EVERY SINGLE NIGHT….TO PLEASE MAKE EVERYTHING RIGHT…PLEASE MAKE EVERYTHING BETTER.. ONLY  EVERYTHING JUST GOT WORSE…AND THAT HURTS…ESPECIALLY WHEN YOUR JUST A LITTLE BOY WHOM ALWAYS FELT EXCLUDED…”HAPPY BIRTHDAY” WISHES…WERE JUST MEANINGLESS AND DILUTED…LIKE I WAS  A MALIGNANT TUMOR…LIKE STAGE FOUR CANCER…AND ALL I WANTED WAS  A SIMPLE ANSWER..EVEN PROMISING NOT TO ARGUE OR FIGHT…JUST UNDERSTAND AND LISTEN…ONLY AS LONG AS IT WERE THE TRUTH…THE WHOLE TRUTH…AND NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH…CROSS YOUR HEART AND HOPE TO DIE…FIFTY FOUR YEARS LATER…AS A GROWN MAN ON MY OWN… I FINALLY FIND MY ANSWER…FINALLY FIND OUT WHY…I NEED YOU TO KNOW THAT …I’AM NOT YOUR FATHER…WITHOUT ANY REMORSE IN HIS HEART… OR A TEAR IN HIS EYE..

  • :

    BEING RAISED BY A CHINESE FATHER AND A GERMAN MOTHER...AS I GREW UP LISTENING TO OTHER PEOPLE ACCUSE ME OF BEING ADOPTED BECAUSE OF MY HEIGHT LIGHT COLORED SKIN AND ROUND BLUE EYE'S...AND ME IN COMPLETE DENIAL SO MUCH IN DENIAL THAT I OFTEN HAD FIGHTS IN SCHOOL...WHICH ULTIMATELY GOT ME EXPELLED...AND ASKING MY MOTHER QUESTIONS LIKE WHY AM I A GERMAN CITIZEN WHEN DAD WAS A SERVICE MAN IN THE AIR FORCE...I WOULD AUTOMATICALLY  BE AN AMERICAN CITIZEN...AND OFTEN SHE WOULD YELL AND SCREAM THAT THERE WAS SOMETHING WRONG INSIDE MY HEAD FOR EVEN ASKING A QUESTION LIKE THAT...SO MUCH I WAS BETTER OFF EXCEPTING THE POSSIBILITY THAT I MIGHT NOT BE MY FATHERS SON...MY WHOLE LIFE I WENT THROUGH BELIEVING I WAS A EURASIAN...WELL LONG STORY SHORT...EVEN AFTER BEGGING AND PLEADING WITH MY MOTHER TO TELL ME THE TRUTH...ESPECIALLY FINDING PAPERS IN GERMAN THAT I UNDERSTOOD ENOUGH THAT THERE WAS SOMETHING DIFFERENT WITH MY BIRTH CERTIFICATE AND OTHER FACTORS...AND RIGHT BEFORE MY MOTHER PASSED AWAY FROM STAGE FOUR LUNG CANCER..I FELT I GOT ONE LAST SHOT AT ASKING HER ONCE MORE...AND WHAT SHE SAID WILL STAY LOCKED INSIDE MY MIND FOREVER..."WHEN I DIE, YOUR LIFE WILL TURN TO SHIT!!"

BORN IN NEUNKIRCHEN GERMANY IN 1960...RAISED IN NORTHERN CALIFORNIA...IN THE CITY OF SACRAMENTO...HAVE NEVER BEEN MARRIED...BUT HAVE THREE BEAUTIFUL BABIES...WHO ARE GROWN NOW...RACHEL MARIE....25......KENNETH MICHAEL....23.....AND ELENA MICHELLE....18....I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN INTERESTED BY POETRY ESPECIALLY SAD AND DARK POETRY MAYBE BECAUSE OF THE WAY I SEE PEOPLE THE WORLD AND HOW WE TREAT IT AND EACH OTHER...

SIMILAR ARTICLES

NO COMMENTS

Leave a Reply